Humanity Death Watch

Tag Archive for NPR

NPR brain nerd used fake news to help aliens ‘cull’ humans

Shankar Vedantam sold out humanity for Facebook likes. What was he thinking?

A nine-month FBI sting operation inside National Public Radio has resulted in the arrest of a correspondent who produced fake news stories in his spare time to help the Borg collective recruit new members.

President Trump will save us from the Borg, he says.

Shankar Vedantam, NPR social science correspondent and the host of the Hidden Brain podcast, was taken into custody and charged with treason for collaborating with the Borg, a “collector” species that turns captives into cybernetic organisms. Vedantam reportedly used his knowledge of the human brain to write fake news articles that would expose people who were “Borg material.”

“We excel at repurposing simple-minded zealots from post-literate societies,” promises the Borg’s website.

Atheist: ‘I prayed to Carl Sagan on election night’

Embarrassed

Embarrassed atheist let the moment get the best of him.

A Houston man who found reason as a youth admitted praying to dead agnostic scientist Carl Sagan on election night 2016.

“I’m so embarrassed,” said Christian Moore, 26. “I got on my knees and prayed to Carl just like he was a god. I self-reported to my atheist sponsor when I realized what was happening. Watching Hillary lose state after state was too much. I just couldn’t handle it.”

Similar admissions from nonbelievers were received at the American Humanist Association, Freedom from Religion Foundation and American Atheists. The groups fielded calls from members who said they prayed to the Force, NPR, Gloria Steinem, Harry Potter, Neil deGrasse Tyson, Richard Dawkins, Gene Roddenberry, Beyoncé, beer and Guardians of the Galaxy.

NEWS FLASH: NPR science reporter traitor to humanity

terminal

This is your future, if Shankar Vedantam gets his way.

NPR Science Desk Correspondent Shankar Vedantam has admitted trading favorable news coverage about artificial intelligence for preferential treatment by future robot overlords. He was immediately hired by Fox News, which praised his enterprising style of journalism.

Photo credit: “Terminal” by Evan, licensed under CC 2.0