Humanity Death Watch

Tag Archive for drone

Bird of prey and her captured drone embroiled in controversial romance

This falcon and its drone bitch are expecting, a disturbing trend for species traditionalists.

Part of a trend? This falcon and its bitch drone are expecting, a disturbing prospect for species traditionalists.

With the issue of human and robot marriage slated to become the next big civil rights issue, a Dutch eagle and her captured drone are proving that a biological creature and a machine can live together in harmony.

“I’ve never seen anything like it,” said raptor keeper Adam Aaltink. “Our eagle, Anouk, brought the drone back to her nest and instead of tearing it apart she snuggled close and draped a wing and leg over the drone, like she was spooning it. The drone looked perfectly content to be there. Eagles mate for life, so the chemistry must’ve been undeniable.”

The bird first snatched the DJI Phantom 4 Drone out of the air during a routine test, but Anouk didn’t come back for hours, prompting her trainer to send a drone to search for the missing bird and her captive.

What that drone found shocked the raptor training community while eliciting an outcry from those in opposition to human-robot romances, who say that even animal-robot relationships are morally wrong despite animals’ and robots’ inability to comprehend the human idea of morality.

Amish launch pre-emptive strike in ‘artilect’ conflict

Proclaiming “Reddy Kilowatt must die,” three radicalized Amish youths attacked the Limerick Generating Station in Montgomery County, Penn., on Tuesday, throwing sticks and stones at the facility’s sign. Abrasions to the sign, which has an estimated value of $39.95, were quickly repaired, without disruptions at the nuclear facility operated by Exelon Corp.

Drone

Be thankful that laser-equipped drones vaporized Amish terrorists.

Facial recognition software and DNA probes launched by Exelon drones identified the attackers as Jacob Miller, 17; Leroy Schwartz, 19; and Bubba Fisher, 20, prior to their accidental vaporization by the drones’ high-energy lasers.