Humanity Death Watch

Atheist: ‘I prayed to Carl Sagan on election night’

Embarrassed

Embarrassed atheist let the moment get the best of him.

A Houston man who found reason as a youth admitted praying to dead agnostic scientist Carl Sagan on election night 2016.

“I’m so embarrassed,” said Christian Moore, 26. “I got on my knees and prayed to Carl just like he was a god. I self-reported to my atheist sponsor when I realized what was happening. Watching Hillary lose state after state was too much. I just couldn’t handle it.”

Similar admissions from nonbelievers were received at the American Humanist Association, Freedom from Religion Foundation and American Atheists. The groups fielded calls from members who said they prayed to the Force, NPR, Gloria Steinem, Harry Potter, Neil deGrasse Tyson, Richard Dawkins, Gene Roddenberry, Beyoncé, beer and Guardians of the Galaxy.

A shit lot of good that did.

A shit lot of good that did.

“Clearly, we need to work on our members’ coping skills,” said Aron Ra, president of Atheist Alliance of America. “The human need to give thanks and appeal for victory over an opponent is incredibly strong, but this really caught us off guard.”

God a no-show for them too, say Clinton Christians 

Christians who supported Hillary Clinton were equally dismayed that God snubbed their prayers. Ruth Devine, a 49-year-old Methodist from Charlotte, North Carolina, said election night was exasperating. “My Bible study group prayed all night long. All we can say is that God works in mysterious ways. Really mysterious.”

Christian Clinton supporters said they feel for their heathen brothers and sisters but insisted that job No. 1 for them is blending in with the new administration. “Most of us are white, so we can pass in a Trump crowd,” confided Devine.

Atheist leader Ra pledged to help backsliding members regain their reason. “Maybe it’s true that there are no atheists in foxholes,” he said. He also vowed to convene a summit of nonbelievers to discuss the idea of creating an “underground railroad” to Europe or Canada. “We’re open to all sorts of ideas.”

Photo credits: 82/365 After 5 years, its still eating me apart by Jason Aponte,  Prayer for USA by Harley Pebley, licensed under CC 2.0

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