Humanity Death Watch

USB-to-Nose adapter offers fast transfer speeds, looks adorably silly

SinUSB was inspired by “that messed-up scene in Total Recall where Arnold Schwarzenegger yanks a huge tracking device out of his nose, ” said the inventor.

Even as you read this, biotechnology engineers around the world are working tirelessly to close the ever-diminishing gap between man and machine. But while most major players in the field are focusing their resources on embeddable microchips and electrode brainwave scanners, one tiny Ottawa firm sees a different point of entry: the human schnoz.

SinUSB (pronounced “sinus bee”), beta-named Project Up Your Nose With A Rubber Hose, features a straightforward design. Simply squirt a few pumps of SniffWare, a proprietary blend of nanobots and conductive fluid, into the nasal cavity. Then, for the next 6 to 8 hours, take any standard USB cable and shove the business end up your honker to start charging and managing your devices on the go.

While cynics write off SinUSB as a gimmick, the specs say otherwise: It boasts incredible transfer speeds of up to 25 GB/sec. Also, it’s super cute and goofy looking.

The revolutionary system, unveiled at a press conference on Monday, is the brainchild of 23-year-old tech wunderkind Darwish Bhandari, who credits as his inspiration “that messed-up scene in Total Recall where Arnold Schwarzenegger yanks a huge tracking device out of his nose.”

A press packet photo of a SinUSB user charging her eReader in one nostril and her smartphone in the other took social media by storm that afternoon, even appearing on The Ellen DeGeneres Show the following day.

“The future of human-digital interfaces is here, and it’s right under our noses,” said a grinning Bhandari, eliciting groans from the assembled journalists. Rattled by the room’s chilly reception to his attempt at wordplay, Bhandari was seen quietly tucking a stack of fliers bearing the slogan “Smell the In-nose-vation!” into his briefcase before concluding his presentation.


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