Humanity Death Watch

Wine shortages the last straw for climate change deniers

Climate EmergencyRising seas that made Miami uninhabitable didn’t phase them. Sweeping food crises that claimed the lives of 4 million people, they explained away. Even super hurricanes that annually bash the Northeast coast of the U.S. haven’t been enough to convince climate change deniers that humanity’s actions have any effect on the climate.

But these deniers are sheepishly admitting, finally, that they may have been mistaken, now that the effects of the climate change are hitting them where it hurts. Wine shortages.

The wine shortage finally validated climate change for Irma and Frank Dealey.

The wine shortage finally convinced climate change skeptics Irma and Frank Dealey.

California’s Napa Valley, Italy’s Chianti Valley and France’s Bordeaux Region are just a few of the wine producing regions that are no longer able to sustain and grow quality grapevines due to sustained altered weather conditions. Wine production has seen a 60 percent decrease across the globe in just the last five years.

“Running out of wine is simply unacceptable,” says New York socialite Suzie Small. “This will not do. While it’s still hard for me to accept that I should consider giving up my private jet and fly—ugh, it’s hard to even say it—commercial, I’m the kind of person who is willing to make sacrifices for the greater good. But honestly, I don’t deserve this.”

Many other long-time climate change deniers are speaking out too, saying that if God’s plan includes running out of grapes to make wine, well then maybe it’s time to take a long hard look at being passive and letting His will rule versus working toward solutions here on earth to ensure there will be plenty of wine for the generations to come.

“We have to think not only of ourselves but of our children and their children,” says Tea Party Rep. Demarcus Hunt, whose wine cellar has been featured in Wine Enthusiast magazine. “That’s why I’m going to start voting against big oil’s interests, and instead dedicate myself to keeping the wine flowing for future generations. It’s the right thing to do.”

Photo credits: Climate Emergency – PeoplesClimate-Melb-IMG_8280 by Takver and Serious Wine Drinker by hobbs_luton, licensed under CC 2.0

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