Humanity Death Watch

Regretful recipient of bionic eyes can’t unsee

Giorgi - Shocked

“I can’t go to Walmart anymore. Geez, the things you see there,” says Robby Hendrix.

It sounded like a good idea, at least to Robby Hendrix, the first volunteer to exchange his normal, healthy eyes for bionic ones that promised to give him x-ray vision, look in two different directions at once, and even as far away as 10 miles.

But Hendrix says he now regrets his decision, and he wants to warn others with healthy optics to keep their natural eyes. Sometimes nature knows best, he says.

Rebecca Penn’s ocular implant left her feeling even more disgusted by her family.

“The problem is that you can’t control it,” Hendrix says. “Lots of guys wish they had x-ray vision so they could check out the knockers on the hot waitress, but I see everybody naked now. Including my parents and grandparents. I’ve started to avoid family functions. It’s terrible.”

According to Optic-Mo-Moptic, the tech company that invented the bionic vision prototype, Hendrix was informed about the potential consequences. Because his operation was the first of its kind, it was impossible to know for sure how the ocular implants would work once wired to a human brain. Optic-Mo-Moptic issued the following statement:

“Robert Hendrix was informed that his new eyesight might involve unpleasantries. He signed multiple consent forms, and said he ‘was cool with it.’ He seemed eager to pioneer this new technological breakthrough, and was very hopeful that we would eventually be able to develop the capability that would allow him to ‘shoot laser beams like Superman’ from his eyes. We are sorry that he has to see his family members naked all of the time, but, again, he was informed of the risks.”

“It’s true I knew it might not be perfect, but it’s flat knocked me out of the game,” said Hendrix. “I can’t go to Walmart anymore. Geez, the things you see there. I can see people going to the bathroom everywhere I go. Sometimes there’s no safe place to look. No amount of being able to see a great pair of boobs that I’ll never get to touch is worth having to live with the other things I’ve seen.”

Photo credit: Giorgi – Shocked by Japrea and There are some things you cannot unsee by Stevie Rocco, licensed under CC 2.0

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