Humanity Death Watch

San Francisco tech workers dismayed by cyborg gentrification

Whole Foods just isn't as much fun for human tech workers like Sam Gates.

Whole Foods just isn’t as much fun for human tech workers like Sam Gates.

Tech professionals residing in San Francisco’s Mission District, who were largely blamed for dismantling the historically working-class Latino community back in the twenty-teens, are now on the opposite of side of the debate. They say that cyborgs are taking over their hard-won community.

Sam Gates, who has lived in the District for three decades, said that it’s not really about money this time. It’s about the loss of normalcy.

Cyborgs are displacing humans in the Mission District.

Cyborgs are gentrifying the Mission District.

“Our Whole Foods store is getting entire aisles dedicated to these gross gooey cyborg supplements. It’s so weird that they don’t even eat regular food,” said Gates. “They also seem to have forgotten how to interact with dogs. I actually saw one totally ignore this beautiful dog that was being strolled down the sidewalk. I mean, this cyborg didn’t even compliment her on her custom denim jacket. No dog deserves that kind of treatment. These cyborgs are creepy. They don’t share our values.”

No regard for shiny things or tiny Japanese hamburgers

With more and more humans undergoing cyborg reassignment surgery, classic humans are finding themselves marginalized, especially in the major cities. But San Francisco’s Mission District is ground zero for the cyborg takeover.

While many people say they feel the futility of their biological makeup, groups like the Humans for Life say they’re going to stick with their birth forms because while cyborgs gain the intellectual abilities of a smartphone, they lose important human attributes.

“There’s no way we can compete with them,” says Carter Reagan, president of Humans for Life and long-time Mission District resident. “But people in my camp have accepted that we are now lower life forms, and we will have to serve cyborgs and then die off. We consciously choose this lifestyle though because we just can’t imagine a life in which there is no regard for shiny things or how adorable tiny Japanese hamburgers are. It’s just not worth it.”

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