Humanity Death Watch

Intelligent alien life letting humanity’s calls go to voicemail

We're trying to be patient, aliens.

We’re trying to be patient, aliens, but we will key your car if that’s how you want to play it.

After last month’s stunning contact with extra-terrestrial intelligent life—finally proving that we are not alone in the universe—alien contacts appear to be giving humanity the Heisman.

“They seemed really interested in us,” said Anne Grogg, a scientist at the Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence Institute, which communicated with the Andromeda Galaxy inhabitants via radio signals. “We made plans to talk again and set a date and time, but now they’re not answering our calls. We’ve left several voicemails, but now we’re worried that we may seem too needy.”

Too much too soon?

Attractive, fashionable woman awaits aliens

“Don’t make me beg,” says SETI scientist Anne Grogg.

Because technical difficulties could be the problem, the SETI Institute is taking the standard precautions: making sure the ringer is on, that their communication device is not set on airplane mode, and repeatedly checking that they didn’t somehow miss a voicemail.

The organization has also conducted an exhaustive evaluation of its conversation with the aliens to spot any potential turn-offs.

“We think we can see where we may have gone wrong,” said Grogg. “Maybe we wanted too much commitment too soon. Or it could’ve been the baby talk, or maybe they were annoyed because we kept checking our phones and live-tweeting the whole thing instead of giving them our undivided attention.”

Still, Grogg and her colleagues have vowed to not give up on their new alien relationship. They plan to send the most advanced satellites to the aliens’ planet to track the E.T.s’ every move. And they will send gifts in an effort to win back the aliens. If all that fails, Grogg says the Institute will have to strongly consider locating and keying their car.

Photo credit: Winter Warmth and Hello L.A. by Mustafa Sayed, licensed under CC 2.0

Leave a Reply