Humanity Death Watch

Disgraced hot dog eating champ outed as a cyborg

Can competitive eating regain its reputation in the wake of the latest scandal?

Can competitive eating regain its reputation in the wake of the latest scandal?

The competitive eating community is reeling following the revelation that world-famous hot dog eating champ Bruce Little underwent secret surgeries four years ago to gain an advantage over his competitors.

Documents uncovered by Humanity Death Watch show that Little had ribs removed to make room for a second stomach, and a mechanism was implanted in his jaw so that he could open wider and chew faster.

Ken Nagasaki, the long-time hot dog eating champ who lost his title to Little, said that while he’s shocked, in hindsight it makes sense.

“Little was always a strong opponent, but then a few years ago he just went into the stratosphere. I could tell he’d really been working on his deep-throating skills,” said Nagasaki. “I thought he must’ve hired a trainer because his gagging issues seemed to have gone away completely. The guy was a beast.”

A spokesperson for Major League Eating, the organization that oversees professional eating contests, admitted yesterday during a press conference that the scandal casts a pall on MLE’s distinguished reputation.

“Because we all dream of the glory that goes with being the hot dog eating champ of the world, we were aware that this level of cheating was a possibility,” said Heather Shoegaze. “We underestimated the cunning of Mr. Little. It’s a dark time in the competitive eating community, but we are committed to restoring and maintaining the integrity of eating contests worldwide.”

Photo credit: IMG_3418.jpg by Michael, licensed under CC 2.0

 

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