Humanity Death Watch

New smart guns programmed to scold just like mom

New smart gun technology uses motherly disapproval to deter senseless violence.

Laser-focused motherly reprimands are the secret to new smart gun technology.

In the latest effort to curb gun-related violence, firearms engineers have introduced smart technology that uses the power of maternal shame to cause would-be shooters to think twice about harming another human.

New “Take to Task” technology from Stongarm Inc. embeds a special chip into a firearm which, at the point of purchase, is filled with audio recordings of reprimands from the buyer’s mother. Those reprimands are activated whenever the gun’s sensor detects the weapon is pointed at a human.

Admonishments on the chip include maternal classics such as:

— “This behavior is unacceptable.”

— “I taught you better than this.”

— “Put the gun away. I’m not asking you. I’m telling you.”

— “I’m going to count to three.”

Take to Task designer Lars Heinrich says that while his nightmares of being scolded by his mother prompted lifelong social anxiety, they also inspired innovative thinking about gun safety. “Most shooters are men, and most men are little boys at heart when it comes to their mamas. This technology may be the one thing that can stop them from pulling the trigger.”

Heinrich added that Strongarm is also working on a robotic arm attachment that would unfold from the gun and smack the would-be shooter in the back of the head while saying, “Don’t be an idiot.”

Strongarm Inc. contends its Take to Task approach is superior to a competitive smart gun technology that led to the accidental wounding of Wayne LaPierre, NRA executive vice president.

Photo credit: Walker, it is ON–Daily Image 2011–March 14 by Rochelle Hartman, licensed under CC 2.0

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