Humanity Death Watch

Clinton reveals sex fantasies that drove her campaign


President Clinton says her fantasies have migrated from salacious sex to bloodthirsty revenge.

During the darkest days of the 2016 presidential campaign, it was fantasies of nasty sex in the White House with Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau that kept Hillary Clinton fighting to win.
Canadian hottie Justin Trudeau

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“The pressures you face as a candidate are insane,” said the 45th president of the United States, appearing on the Ellen TV show. “The only way to survive is to have a great team and a rich fantasy life. Of course, I know that some fantasies shouldn’t be acted out.”

On Thursday, Clinton shared her Trudeau fantasies and other whimsies with Ellen DeGeneres and her audience. Clinton called her “Lewinsky payback” fantasy “predictable” but said her fantasy of a Supreme Court orgy on Air Force One had flair. “It had me playing the Slim Pickens role in Dr. Strangelove, with Clarence Thomas as the nuclear bomb, and me having a ‘wargasm’ all over Kim Jong-un.”

Sex therapist and author Dr. Ruth Westheimer praised President Clinton for sharing her fantasy life with the American people. “It’s healthy. Think how far we’ve come since Jimmy Carter said he had lust in his heart for women other than his wife. Guess what, people; Hillary Clinton has a vagina and a clitoris.”

Revenge fantasies take precedence

As president, Clinton says her fantasies have largely shifted from sex to revenge. Her role as commander-in-chief of the world’s largest military has liberated her to explore titillating new possibilities.

Hillary Clinton and Elizabeth Warren fantasize regularly about offing their political enemies.

Hillary Clinton and Elizabeth Warren fantasize regularly about offing their political enemies.

“Liz Warren and I had a ton of fun compiling a make-believe hit list for my first hundred days in office,” said President Clinton. “We brainstormed how each of our political enemies would meet their demise. It would have made Frank Underwood proud. The more I learn about our military black ops and CIA capabilities, the richer my fantasies have become.”

Alarmed Republican members of the House Judiciary Committee called Clinton’s fantasies grounds for impeachment. “It’s a crime or one of those misdemeanor thingies,” said one member, requesting anonymity. “Her husband may have dodged this committee, but that she-devil won’t. I’m sending out the bat signal tonight for Ken Starr.”

Photo credits: Hillary Victory0506 Hillary Clinton by Edward Kimmel, Liberal Party Promises On Environment Highlighted by Day DonaldsonHillary Clinton / Elizabeth Warren 2016 by Moishe Friedman, licensed under CC 2.0

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