Humanity Death Watch

Personal Task Clone demands raise for dumping prototype’s girlfriend

Larry Nice, left, accepts his role as a clone but wants a raise and better benefits.

Larry Nice, left, accepts his role as a clone but wants a raise and better benefits.

It was the bitch slap heard around the world, or at least it was the one that human clone, Larry Nice, said opened his eyes to his miserable existence.

Nice, the two-year-old clone of billionaire entrepreneur Gary Rice, is the first Personal Task Clone, or PTC, to openly rebuff his role as dirty-work double.

“I’ve spent hours rubbing his grandmother’s arthritic feet. I did his community service when he got that DUI. I even went as him to his last two family Christmas celebrations while he went to Bangkok to do you know what,” says Nice. “But when Gary demanded that I pose as him to break it off with Penelope, she slapped me. It really stung and I thought, ‘This sucks. I want a raise.’”

PTCs a favorite of super rich and politicians

Former girlfriend Penelope took out her anger on Larry the clone

Former girlfriend Penelope took out her anger on Larry the clone.

PTCs have been in high demand since their introduction five years ago. While they look and age exactly like their master human, they possess no emotional capacity. Their uncanny ability to fake it makes them useful in situations where feelings like remorse, regret, sympathy or genuine give-a-shit are expected.

That’s equipped PTCs to successfully complete unsavory assignments for their super rich and politician prototypes. Now, however, scientists say that because the clones are genetically human, it’s not an impossibility that some basic humanity may emerge.

Gary Rice says he didn’t sign up to care about his clone’s feelings or demands. Still, he says he will give him that raise.

“It’s just easier than breaking in a new one,” he says. “And I have a funeral next Sunday for a douchebag client, so I’m gonna need Larry on that.”

Photo credits: Millionaire Rob by Craig, Lianne Scowling Due to Bad Mood by Richard Riley, licensed under CC 2.0

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