Humanity Death Watch

‘Mompreneurs’ score big with cuddling, unconditional love

Professional cuddlers are waiting to make you feel better.

Professional cuddlers are waiting to make you feel better.

As kids, Jill Hamilton and Suzie Lee learned that when life gives you lemons, you start a lemonade stand. Today, the moms and the best friends are using their entrepreneurial skills to help humanity cope with the pending robot apocalypse.
Jill Hamilton and Suzie Lee saw a business opportunity where others saw chaos.

Jill Hamilton and Suzie Lee saw a business opportunity where others saw chaos.

“We saw opportunities where others saw chaos,” said Hamilton. “It was clear that people were going to need some big-time hugs to cope with the effects of intelligent machines overrunning humanity. And cuddling is one job that humans still do better than robots.”

To start, the two recruited several mom friends, rented a small meeting space and advertised 5-minute hugs for five dollars.

‘People were huddled together like snow monkeys’

It was an entrepreneur’s dream, recalls Lee. “We were overwhelmed. People were huddled together like snow monkeys, just sobbing and going on about the future. They loved cuddling, and they loved us.”

"When the robot apocalypse arrives, I advise people to stop, drop and cuddle.," says Jill Hamilton.

“When the robot apocalypse arrives, I advise people to stop, drop and cuddle,” says Jill Hamilton.

Let’s Cuddle employs an unselfish, highly motivated workforce. Young moms yet to be tossed aside by their ungrateful children excel at unconditional love, Hamilton explained. So do older, disturbed women who befriend serial killers in prison.

And why don’t people just cuddle each other? “Thank you, Mark Zuckerberg,” jokes Lee. “Social media over the last few decades has left humans unable to comfortably have natural physical relationships with one another.”

Let’s Cuddle employees go through a rigorous training program, added Hamilton. “Our cuddlers smell nice, they’re warm—without making their clients sweat, and they know the perfect squeeze pressure,” she said. “This isn’t a job that just anyone can do. But it’s one job humans that can still get.”

Photo credits: Cuddle puddle by Alan TurkusJS 2 by SAGriffin305Gay Cuddling by David Goehring licensed under CC 2.0

 

Leave a Reply