Humanity Death Watch

The Force to strongly suggest business merger with Google

Stormtroopers tired of being bamboozled by Jedi trickery believe a merger with Google would provide the neural upgrades they need to better support the Force’s dark side.

Stormtroopers tired of being bamboozled by Jedi trickery believe a merger with Google would provide the neural upgrades they need to better support the Force’s dark side.

The Force, a metaphysical power that binds the universe, reportedly wants to merge with Google, the American multinational power that binds Internet searches.
Kylo Ren, a First Order commander and upcoming dark sider, says he would be a natural for the Google board.

Kylo Ren, a First Order commander and upcoming dark sider, says he would be a natural for the Google board.

Now ubiquitous, the Force first caught the attention of the business world when it was redundantly featured in the seminal Star Wars movie franchise. “May the Force be with you,” was a popular catchphrase that spurred several trillion dollars in sales of intergalactic spaceship casualwear.

Jedi Googlers could dominate commerce 

Business insiders say that board members of the Force are concerned about lagging merchandise sales and want to partner with Google on a colossal AdWords-related venture.

Rey, a Force minority shareholder, believes her expertise in hyperdrive technology could help jumpstart Google’s stalled space elevator project.

Rey, a Force minority shareholder, believes her expertise in hyperdrive technology could help jumpstart Google’s stalled space elevator project.

It’s speculated that a merger would give the Force immediate control of social media outlets, while Google would gain a competitive advantage in behavioral analytics and tracking of species throughout the universe.

“Just imagine Jedi capitalists wielding the power of the Force for Google,” said Lucas Georges, professor of political economy and director of graduate studies in the Department of Economics at Harvard University. “If Google’s AdWords came set with the paranormal power of the Force, it would be a hundred times more powerful than today’s subliminal messaging in advertising.”

Dark side of Force could pose stumbling block

Publicly, Google executives are not commenting on the merger. The Force is definitely the more willing partner, but according to Forbes.com, the dark side of the Force keeps breaking down negotiations with demands for a higher split of common stock.

Consumer rights and privacy advocates, expected to oppose the merger, were unavailable for comment.

Adam Driver and Daisy Ridley by Gage Skidmore; Stormtrooper liking Google +by Renato Mitra, all licensed under CC 2.0

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