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Xbox launches Kinect add-on capable of breastfeeding babies

Newlyweds James and Sarah Benson say they’re more likely to have children if they’re able to incorporate Xbox Kinect gameplay in their childrearing duties.

Newlyweds James and Sarah Benson say they’re more likely to have children if they’re able to incorporate Xbox Kinect gameplay in their childrearing duties.

Microsoft today launched a new gaming product that executives hope will “bridge the massive divide between gamers and new parents across the world,” said Xbox President Marcus DeBano.

The KinectFeed 1.0 add-on lets both men and women breastfeed babies up to age 4. By strapping on the Cybra synthetic cordless breast, gamers can nurse their child while playing any game currently available on Xbox. Gamers not only feel the infant feeding on them, but they also see stats on the screen detailing the experience.

Synthetic milk sold through the Xbox Marketplace is safe, nutritious and rich in the calcium, said Xbox officials.

Synthetic milk sold through the Xbox Marketplace is safe, nutritious and rich in calcium, said Xbox officials.

Demonstrating KinectFeed 1.0 to young parents at a Parent Expo event in Los Angeles, DeBano said Microsoft is creating several new games that build breastfeeding action into gameplay. “Developers have already started using the motion for things like unlocking chests or completing certain Quick Time Events,” he explained. “Gears of War 6 and the newest Tomb Raider game will be the first games to take full advantage of KinectFeed 1.0 motion.”

New option targets responsible parent gamers

“Gamers with small children already feel like they can’t game as much due to the enormous responsibility caring for a child demands,” DeBano said. “Now, though, we make one of the most basic concepts of raising that kiddo a little easier. At the same time, we’re providing a new, exciting gameplay element that will see us perhaps exploring our previous games in new ways with KinectFeed-capable DLC.”

DeBano showed how KinectFeed works, sliding a white-colored rectangle the size of an old 3-inch floppy disk into the top of the Cybra. A woman’s voice then proclaimed, “KinectFeed loaded.”

He then retrieved his 18-month-old son Kevin, who started feeding on the synthetic nipple as audible “ohhhhs” filled the room. While feeding his son, BeBano told the audience he was using a Size B Cybra. He noted that there will be a range of sizes available, from size A to DDD.

“Breastfeeding would be so much more rewarding if gameplay could be included,” said Striker, a new mom and Slice Zombies freak.

“Breastfeeding would be so much more rewarding if gameplay could be included,” said Striker, a new mom and Slice Zombies freak.

Parents can purchase synthetic milk, described as nutritious as natural breast milk, through the Xbox Marketplace.

‘Milk Bones’ are 100 percent safe

“My son and I have been drinking these supplemented milk packets, or Milk Bones as we call them, for the past month,” said DeBano. “Our vitamin levels have not only increased, but my doctor also said the quality of the calcium is off the charts.  I’m convinced this is the new wave of breastfeeding, and it’s 100 percent safe.”

Games journalist Jim Darliner asked DeBano about a rumor that KinectFeed has hidden cameras that record gamers, unless a hidden setting was unlocked. DeBano denied the accusation.

He added that Xbox Live subscribers will get special access to the first Halo-themed KinectFeed, which has a picture of Cortana or Master Chief covering the Cybra. The company will sell a double Cybra that features two feedable breasts instead of just one, although DeBano said it has no real purpose other than cosmetic reasons.

Rumors that Sony is developing a similar product for the PlayStation, but which also includes a burping motion, remain unconfirmed. Expect the KinectFeed 1.0 to hit store shelves by summer.

 

Photo credit: Wingspan by Quinn DombrowskiBreastfeeding in the forest by Chris Alban Hansen2009 E3 Xbox 360 Media briefing by Major Nelson, all licensed under CC 2.0

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