Humanity Death Watch

Playboy erects new strategy to bring back nudes

penis festival

In Japan, women celebrated the opportunity to once again appear nude in Playboy.

Though millions of people had really started to pick up Playboy to read the articles, the company has now re-reversed a decision to stop featuring nude photographs of women.

Marge2The racy publication burst onto the scene in 1953 and grew its circulation to a high of 7 million in 1972. The proliferation of free Internet porn sites helped whittle that number to 800,000 in 2015, the year executives decided to give up and de-nude.

Hef joined millions in protesting government data collection.

Hef joined millions in protesting government data collection.

A Playboy spokesperson says founder Hugh Hefner had signed off on the idea to nix nudes. But company executives later discovered Hefner had overdosed on mutated Viagra pills a decade earlier. That medical incident killed all brain activity and ceased function of all his vital organs, save for his penis. Hefner’s penis subsequently developed cognitive abilities and continued to run the company, albeit with limited communication skills, says Hefner’s personal physician Paman Derson.

Head fake fools Playboy executives


A sophisticated party guy in public, Hef could be stiff in private.

“We think Hef’s penis was approached with the idea to stop running nudes and tried to refuse, but the physical response looked like Hef shaking his head in agreement,” says Derson.

Hefner’s penis recently learned how to use EZ Keys, the software that allows Stephen Hawking to speak. In no uncertain terms, Derson says, the constantly erect penis demanded that nude centerfolds once again become a mainstay in the magazine.

Playboy Chief Content Officer Cory Jones isn’t sure how the return of nudity will affect sales. “All we can do is rely on the instincts of our founder,” says Jones. “It’s his thought process that made us one of the world’s most identifiable brands. So, I’m all up for it.”

Photo credit: Jared passed out by allison, Penis Festival by Guilhem Vellut, #FsA14 by mw238,  Aye Carumba! by Shannon Ramos, all licensed under CC 2.0

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