Humanity Death Watch

Neo-Amish in trouble for using 3-D printers to make Atari 2600 game consoles

Colorful-dressing but scruffy-looking Neo-Amish are flourishing near San Diego.

They only look wholesome. Some Neo-Amish are badass troublemakers.

Some Neo-Amish are in hot water with their leaders after being caught using forbidden technology. Four members of the non-religious, anti-anything-but-analog-technology group were caught hiding a 3-D printer in a remote cabin near their compound, which they say they were planning to use to create an Atari 2600 gaming console on which they could play the first video game, Pong.

The Neo-Amish, whose charter rejects any technology that became popular after the 1970s, have created a flourishing society near San Diego. Each year, thousands of tourists flock to the Neo-Amish enclave for bygone activities like roller skating in short shorts and tall socks, boogieing at the disco, and playing tetherball.

The group, which has about 5,500 members, is led by a small council whose spokesperson goes by the single name, Mork.

‘Don’t harsh my mellow, man’

In a press conference, Mork proclaimed that while Pong was a “neat-o” game, the use of a 3-D printer to re-create it really “harshed his mellow.”

“I loved Pong as much as the next cat, man. Dig it. But if we use modern technology for any reason then we’re nothing but a bunch of phonies,” Mork said. “No way, Jose.”

While the world at large doesn’t understand the group’s reluctance to use 3-D printers, which are themselves an antiquated technology, one member of the Neo-Amish, Farrah Partridge, says she prefers the simpler life and that anyone who doesn’t understand that is a jive turkey.

“We have pocket calculators, 8-track tapes and word processors, and that’s copacetic-city, man. We don’t need more than that to be happy,” said Partridge. “If we can’t find an old technology that we want, we do without, because people actually used to have to do without things. It’s part of our righteous lifestyle to not have everything we want. Those four doofuses can get bent!”

The offending members were not immediately available for comment, as Mork said they are paying for their crime by being locked in a 1973 Chevy van for a month, forced to listen to nothing but Captain and Tennille while living off of fondue meals that don’t include any types of cheese.

Photo credit: Amisok New Yorkban (3.évad) by Lwp Kommunikáció, licensed under CC 2.0

Leave a Reply