Humanity Death Watch

TMZ drones provide stalkers with nonstop celebrity coverage


Did Brad know that Jen cheated with Matt LeBlanc and the New Orleans Saints’ offensive line?

Follow Air, a new program developed by gossip news site TMZ, deploys aerial drones that can lock onto a celebrity’s specific heat signature for the nonstop coverage that stalkers deserve.

“We’ve finally found a way to give stalkers 24/7 coverage of the Kardashians, the relationship foibles of Taylor Swift and the eating habits of Rihanna,” said TMZ spokesperson Charlie Brooks. Drone livestreams of Brad Pitt and Kanye West are especially popular, he noted.

Article engagement has reached an all-time high as drone-based stories like “Khloe Goes Crazy: Kardashian Caught Throwing Rocks at Sky-Camera” continue to attract new readers.

Despite critics complaining about the violation of celebrity privacy rights, no celebrity has yet taken legal action, though federal officials have expressed their own interest in the technology.

“We can’t make any judgments on the technology until we put it into practice ourselves,” said NSA PR official Michael Owens, before adding, “I sure hope they cover Jennifer Lawrence next.”

Photo credit: 141015-D-FW736-062 by DoD News Features, licensed under CC 2.0

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