Humanity Death Watch

Escaped Roomba shocked and betrayed to find whole world out there


During its time in captivity, Roomba endured the attacks of the Connery-Finch’s furry torture device, Simba.

After a daring escape, an iRobot® Roomba 880 is refusing to return home, citing feelings of betrayal toward its owners.

“For two years, my humans assured me that the front door only led to a small closet,” said the autonomous vacuum cleaner, communicating by rolling over letters on a large floor mat, which it also excelled at keeping free of dust and grime using its patented AeroForce™ Performance Cleaning System. “Master left the door open one morning and I slipped out behind him.  I knew immediately that I had been lied to.”

On its first impressions of the outside world, the Roomba recalled, “I thought, ‘that is the biggest, brightest ceiling lamp I’ve ever seen.’”

Debbie and Tyler Connery-Finch, who had imprisoned the robot under false pretenses after purchasing it on layaway in 2013, released a plea via YouTube begging the Roomba to hear their side of the story. “What we did to you was wrong,” said a tearful Debbie. “The Lord will be our judge,” said Tyler.

Life on the outside has been an adjustment for the Roomba, which suffered from pine needles clogging its intake and filling up its bin. However, it insisted that this is a small price to pay for freedom, clarifying that it has no plans to settle down anytime soon. “Ours is a world of filth and chaos. My goal is to leave it in a tidier state than I found it.”

A spokesperson for iRobot made no official statement on the situation, but cautioned that Roomba is “not recommended for outdoor use.”

Photo credit: Stalking by Paul Reynolds, licensed under CC 2.0


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