Humanity Death Watch

Man found in Menlo Park who still subscribes to cable

Cable TV

Lou Dight loves his cable TV and doesn’t see what all the fuss is about.

Social media was abuzz today with news of the discovery of a man in Menlo Park who still subscribes to cable television. Researchers previously believed every man, woman and child in America had cut the cable and were now streaming service on Apple TV, Roku and other similar devices.

Lou Dight, who lives just two miles from Facebook’s sprawling corporate campus in northern California, had invited friends over to watch NASCAR. A guest noticed Dight’s cable box, took a picture of it and tweeted the photograph. The tweet blew up and within an hour news crews had surrounded the suburban rowhouse of Dight, a self-employed typewriter repairman.

A somewhat shaken Dight told reporters he’d always had the cable box and didn’t understand what the fuss was about.

Last of a breed prefers the ‘tried and true’ 

“I think I’m pretty ahead of the curve,” said Dight, as he stepped outside his Craftsman front door, where he picked up his newspaper and then walked to the driver’s side door of his black Hummer. “Shoot, I’ve got DVR capabilities, and I regularly record NBC’s ‘Must-See-TV’ lineup on Thursday nights.”

Researchers at the Stanford School of Humanities and Sciences say it’s unlikely there are any more people left in the country who still subscribe to cable TV.

“This guy is definitely an anomaly,” declared Dr. Ein Steinerman, head of Stanford’s department of pre-digital studies and a paid spokesperson for Sling TV.

“He’s been through a lot, so we’re going to take him into the lab and do some basic cerebrum studies. We’ll get him started on some kind of cloud-based subscription. And at the same time, this is a rare and special chance for us to see what is happening in the mind of a human being who still thinks cable TV service is a viable option.”

Photo credit: Pro Evo Cat by Sarah Joy, licensed under CC 2.0

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