Humanity Death Watch

New ‘smart gun’ shoots NRA head


Wayne LaPierre is resting uncomfortably in a Cleveland hospital.

The executive vice president of the National Rifle Association was shot yesterday minutes after the conclusion of a press conference at an arms manufacturing plant in central Ohio where an experimental new semi-automatic handgun called AIBangBang69 was being demonstrated.

No human hand pulled the trigger on the new “smart gun,” and no one is in custody. An initial analysis from the project’s technology team leader focused on a microchip in the magazine release, which was built to crunch data culled from the gun’s front sight and detect danger.

“By no means did we intend for the smart gun to shoot Wayne LaPierre today,” said Dr. Sandy Umpqua, head of the technology team and a gun technology professor at Virginia Tech. “At the request of the NRA, we had been working on a gun that could operate on its own. We have been trying to perfect a firearm that didn’t need to be operated by a human. We all know human beings are imperfect creatures, and can cause mass destruction and needless loss of life.”

Smart gun detected imminent threat

Umpqua said the gun’s microchip was filled with data on what constitutes danger in modern society. It was programmed to react when it concluded an imminent threat was at hand.

LaPierre was shot in the left thigh while he was shaking hands with several Republican congressmen on hand for the demonstration. He’s resting uncomfortably in a Cleveland hospital.

“This shooting is a mixed bag for us,” said Umpqua. “No shooting of a human is justified, certainly. But this incident may prove we’re further along with our technology than we thought.”

Photo credit: Wayne LaPierre by Gage Skidmore, licensed under CC 2.0

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