Humanity Death Watch

Coming soon: Dancing With The Stars’ Surgically Attached Heads

Paula Deen Dances Too

“If they expect me to go onstage and vogue like Madonna I’m gonna need a little help,” said an enthused Paula Deen.

Fans of the ABC reality show Dancing With The Stars who love to root for mature celebrities like Chaka Khan and Gary Busey have new hope their favorite dancing senior will still be around in show’s later rounds of competition.

On Tuesday, transplant surgeons and ABC officials announced a new transplant center at Ronald Reagan UCLA Medical Center in Los Angeles where the heads of mature celebrities would be connected to the bodies of young, lithe dancers with real hoofing talent.

Deen ‘head over heels’

The news went over well with Paula Deen. The former Food Network diva competed on DWTS but was ousted early in the competition. She said competing with younger stars, such as one-time Backstreet Boy Nick Carter, and teen Bindi Irwin was unfair.

“Honey, I’m a grammaw who’s been eating sticks of butter on TV for two decades,” exclaimed Deen. “If they expect me to go onstage and vogue like Madonna I’m gonna need a little help.”

The show’s host, Tom Bergeron, endorsed the idea of hooking up celeb heads to nubile bodies that come equipped with dancing ability. “The bigger the star power, the better I am at doing small talk and making wry observations about celebrities,” he said. “I don’t want to let anything out of the bag too early, but this could clear the way for Larry King to appear on the show.”

The octogenarian King is currently hosting a cable access show in which he interviews potted cactuses. King seemed unclear about the DWTS premise. “Ya mean I dance with stars, in outer space, on a rocket ship to the moon or something?” he asked. “I really don’t think you can dance on the moon—that thing is made of green cheese.”

Alynn by Melissa Dooley and Paula Deen, Dancing Queen? by Mike Licht, licensed under CC 2.0

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