Republican presidential contender Donald Trump today endorsed the use of simulations of eternal hell to more adequately punish prisoners facing multiple lifetime sentences.
“We have people sentenced to multiple lifetimes who are getting off too damned easy by simply dying before completing their full sentence, and the public is being cheated,” said Trump.
Trump advocates the use of Inferno 2000 simulation software, hallucinogenics and direct brain interfaces to alter prisoners’ perception of time. The software accommodates each prisoner’s specific subconscious terrors, enabling prison officials to tailor punishments.
Banned in every country except North Korea, Inferno 2000 can make 50 years feel like 500. Simulations range from being barbecued in Satan’s pits, to visions of smiley sunflowers droning on in “Fifty Shades of Grey,” to smothering kisses and singing by Barney the Dinosaur.