Humanity Death Watch

Teen blames parents for inferior genes, demands upgrade

Gina Jenkins believes genetic recalibration is her best hope of landing high school quarterback and future billionaire Mark Stevens.

Most of us have to deal with what nature gave us when we were born. Hair cowlick, shifty eyes or birthmarks that resemble cheese quesadillas. Whatever the quirk, it’s who we are. But for some, like 18-year-old Gina Jenkins, well, she’s displeased with everything.

“I was born with brown hair, brown eyes and short legs. Total nobody. And no one as special as me should have to endure such mediocre features,” she said from her bedroom in her parents’ Connecticut home. “The genetic catastrophe that is my parents shouldn’t have been allowed to reproduce.”

So Gina is suing her parents, Tom and Patty Jenkins, for what she calls “wrongful birth,” which left her with less-than-stellar sets of chromosomes. If her $250,000 lawsuit is successful, she plans to use the money for genetic recalibration.

“Our daughter is adorable. I don’t understand why she’s doing this,” said Tom Jenkins. Her mother does. “It’s stupid Mark Stevens. She’s doing it for that silly boy, Tom.”

“He’s not stupid, Mom!” yelled Gina. “He’s the quarterback, and he likes blondes, tall blondes with blue eyes. And that’s what I’m going to give him. Because I love him.”

Genetic recalibrations tap into teen angst
Gina’s quest for genetic recalibration is not uncommon. The National Institutes of Health reports a rise in such procedures, especially among female teens. This year alone, more than 200 applications have been granted medical board approvals. Girls want to look like their role models. But with little to no income of their own, they have to resort to extreme measures, such as suing their parents. One desperate teen even applied for an after-school job.

Gina’s parents, both school teachers, refuse to pay to have their daughter’s DNA manipulated, and say the lawsuit would bankrupt them. But in Gina’s eyes, it’s worth it. “They should have thought this through 18 years ago. They had mirrors back then, you know.

“Anyhow, Mark is going to business school,” she continued. “He’ll need someone hot to lavish with gifts and houses after he makes a billion dollars. And this way I’ll save my parents the money they would have wasted on tuition at some college where I’d learn absolutely nothing. Really, they should thank me.”

While Gina’s parents failed to thank her, Mark Stevens, interviewed at his home, did have a comment: “Who is Gina Jenkins?”

Photo credit: Stock media provided by zittto/

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