Humanity Death Watch

Hive mind exiles ‘future national relic’ to Oklahoma

PJ Anumpa

Banished to Oklahoma, P.J. Anumpa looks forward to dining on various chicken-fried meats.

For the first time, the World Hive Mind has expelled an individual for detracting from the collective’s mission of human transcendence. P.J. Anumpa’s continuous encouragement of members to ‘not think so hard and just enjoy life’” was deemed counterproductive by the Hive.

“We value diversity and strong voices, but every time his mind entered the hive the aroma of barbecue, boiled crawfish and beer became so intense that the entire hive became hungry, restless and unproductive,” said the Hive. “Then there were his endless stories about the Chickasaw Nation. Last week he had us contemplate for five hours the universal impact of young hunters throwing sticks at squirrels.”

Recently named a “future national relic” by the U.S. Historical Commission on Human Antiquities, Anumpa will be transported to Oklahoma, where he can comfortably live out his days free of intellectual, cultural and technological advances. “There are no hard feelings,” stated Mr. Anumpa, who said he will use the time to organize his MS-DOS manuals and teach his grandchildren mutton busting and catfish noodling.

 

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