Humanity Death Watch

Monthly Archives: April 2015

Robot hand job leaves man feeling detached

Detached man

Did Jón Einarsson pay too stiff a price for his robot tug-o-love?

Jón Einarsson, the first Icelandic man to engage in a robot-assisted French handshake, said he felt “cheap, vacant and ligneous” after the experience. Following his admission, the Icelandic government banished Einarsson to the colony of Greenland, where robot sex is deemed a healthy alternative to the national pastime of competitive suicide. Einarsson says he was lured into virtual zipper spelunking by this Huffington Post video.

Photo credit: Sad Icelandic sculpture by, licensed under CC 2.0


Transhumans beating snot out of regular humans at pretty much everything


“I’m a techno-optimist,” said Vice President Herman Cain.

Enhanced humans are eclipsing traditional humans in nearly every way, reveals a new study sponsored by the World Council for Transhumanity. “The only category in which legacy humans outshine transhumans is humility, for obvious reasons,” said Paradise Pearce, the study’s lead researcher.

U.S. President Zoltan Istvan endorsed the study’s findings and encouraged Americans to “get with the program” of accelerating evolution through the aggressive application of genetic engineering, robotics and other technologies. He pointed to Vice President Herman Cain as an example of the transformative powers of craniofacial surgery and new brain-computer interface technology.

Photo credit: Comic Con 2013 – Cyborg and Hawkgirl cosplayers by Christopher Brown, licensed under CC 2.0

Abused robot dog chomps Woz

Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak, who recently warned about the rise of intelligent machines, is recovering at home after being bitten by Spot, the abused robot dog that escaped from a Boston Dynamics laboratory in Waltham, Mass, last week. Robot ethicists defended Spot’s behavior, saying Wozniak has a history of manipulating technology for personal gain.

Bitten Woz

“Never trust a robot dog you can’t throw out a window,” Wozniak growled.

Photo credit: Campus Party Bogota by campuspartycolombia, licensed under CC 2.0