Humanity Death Watch

Comedian successfully promotes book by killing readers

John H

People wouldn’t admit to themselves that John Hodgman was maniacal.

As predicted by Nostradamus in 1557, comedian, author and PC guy John Hodgman unleashed an evil robot on Tuesday that killed eight people waiting in line to buy Hodgman’s new book, “Surprise,” at the Strand Bookstore in Manhattan.

“How dare you buy this book,” Hodgman is reported to have screamed prior to instructing a phaser-equipped Apple iBot to disintegrate eight people who could not name the underground magazine Hodgman edited in high school.

“It was crazy,” said store clerk Julia Esparanza, 26, who witnessed the attack. “People rushed the store to get the book after watching that.” Sales of Hodgman’s book spiked on Amazon, which named it a “book of the month.”

Police disabled the robot and arrested Hodgman within minutes. “I liked Hodgman on The Daily Show, but sometimes I didn’t know when I was supposed to laugh,” said NYPD officer Ty Winchell. “I think the lesson here is that people need to pay more attention to celebrities and be prepared to act quickly with emergency fawning and tweets. Winchell noted that the name of Hodgman’s school magazine was Samizdat.

Photo credit: “Hodgman-smile” by Ann Fox, licensed under CC 2.0

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