Humanity Death Watch

Heaven is on Google server, parents tell kids

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The mystery of the afterlife is revealed as 12 kilobytes of storage on a Google server.

Parents of twin girls in Washington, D.C., are telling their 9-year-olds their reward for living good lives will be space for their uploaded brains on a Google server.

“I think they had hopes of being in heaven with Jesus and Dumbledore,” said the girls’ mother, Christina Lopez. “I’ve told them it will be fun, and that they can decorate their server space however they want. Of course, that’s not true, but they’re just kids.”

Seven years ago Google developed an animated welcome package to introduce children to their future as zeroes and ones. “Being on a Google server is just as fun and fantastical place as your life today,” quips a character named Reboot. “If your parents have enough money for the programming and storage fees, you could live here for forever, and that’s a long, long time!”

Photo credit: “Heaven’s Gate” by Hartwig HKD,  licensed under CC 2.0

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